And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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