I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize