PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
