You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
