Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
