I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
