Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
