have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
