i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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