Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
