you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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