i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
