i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
