You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
