I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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