I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
