In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have grass duct taped all over my body
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
