hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
