too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
