Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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