Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what day is it and did you see me today?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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