It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
