GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
