I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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