I love black thongs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
