I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
