she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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