I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
