too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
