She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
