I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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