How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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