I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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