mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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