What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
