Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I forget how to act sober
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