That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
