JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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