Your mouth is God's brothel.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
