We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
