Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
