I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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