I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
