Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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