youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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