thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
