Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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