you guys were way drunker than both of me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
