I am spending my child support on dildos
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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