Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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