And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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